It was a matter of time

March 8,2019
I read about it. I was aware that it would happen. but I didn’t think about it.
Tonight was the night, and it was washing the sink when it all hit. A flood of tears accompanied my thoughts - or was it a realization - that I am living somewhere else and things are pretty different from where I lived before. I am purposely avoiding any “judgement” words and I am just accepting this different feeling as best I can. And I am sure that tomorrow morning, things will be better. Since I was 6 years old, I have known that things are always better in the morning. Not perfect....but better even if it’s just in perspective or better because the sun rose again.

So, don’t tell my kids about my meltdown - that’s for “Sunday afternoon cuddling on the couch” conversation. And I may not share with them the new things that bothered me until it comes up next...and yes, we have lots of conversations about missing Waterloo, missing friends and family, and just plain having to adjust. So today, I get to vent and let it all out, without judgement and without a need to “fix” anything.

The water is so hard and calcified here that I have to scrub so hard and use harsh chemicals. I loved cleaning my house in a Waterloo with natural products and vinegar.  Here, the calcification laughs in the face of vinegar and settles in whiter and thicker!!!

windows allow the sun to shine its light through, and they allow me to see the lights of the village across the way and down by the lake. I feel as though everyone can see into my apartment!!!

I see the cameras outside and the people watching. I saw them look at Justin in flip flops out on the street. I don’t like being watched or feeling like I am watched. I open my front door and people could be right there not 1 meter away from me. I wake up to walk the dog and I can see 4 people easily before even leaving the building. I smile and they smile. It’s friendly. But they are there. Right there.

I think the dog is bored with so much time in the apartment. I haven’t been able to take him for some long walks for weeks. Yesterday I tried to take him for a 2 hr walk and we got rained on - real heavy rain!!! I was drenched in my puffer jacket and I was freezing to it ended up being only a half hour walk.

I wish we had just one more small room to escape to or to host people. I feel awkward not being able to have people visit and stay with me and that makes me also feel sad in addition to awkward.

I miss my family - and I love with them. But they go to work and school during the day and then do their activities and work in the evening. That makes me feel lonely.

I miss my family - my friends that are like family and my blood related family and my in-law family. Yup. There is something so wonderful willablut having history with people. To be with them in silence and know it’s ok. To blab non stop and know it’s ok. Yup. I miss my people!

Those are the biggies hat struck me while wiping out the bathroom sink with those incredibly strong chemical cleaners!! I know I will feel better in the morning. But for now I will let the feelings be and tuck in for the night. The mountains are gorgeous, the people are friendly, the flowers are starting to bloom, there is still snow in the mountains not far from here, I have a few new friends and I like them, the dog is his best dog ever and learned a new trick today.... see, I know the reality and I can see the positive things about being here.

Tonight I have feelings that came to the surface.

A fresh Start!!

We got some amazing skiing done in Zermatt, skiing around the Matterhorn was legendary! Between Christmas and New Years, we tried day trips, and 2/4 trips were fails-  when we arrived at the lifts, they were closed or closing due to winds and storms up in the mountains. Such is the life in the Mountains, I guess. Now we know not to pre-buy our lift tickets! Lesson learned!!! 

Christmas was different, but I think both girls breathed a sigh of relief and it was better than they "feared".

Christmas Eve: Justin worked late - it was hard for him coming back after the week of holidays, and he ended up much later than he had planned. But we took care of things at home. Sarah prepared her cinnamon buns for Christmas morning, Shannon did some last minute shopping, I grabbed the last of the groceries before the stores closed for days. We cooked up our most expensive (but also most delicious) Turkey - from France, actually. The girls really wanted a traditional Christmas Feast, so we had Turkey, stuffing, potatoes au gratin, a delicious gravy and carrots and cranberry sauce!!! It was fantastic! After, we went to Aegeri and walked the "Lichtenweg", almost 3 km of pathway lit by candles. It was beautiful! We opened the traditional one gift - surprise, it was pj's!

Christmas Day: We rose early, in typical Nesbitt fashion....I was up at 5:30 reading, for some strange reason. Sarah was up closer to 6, and Shannon was up before 6:30. We had a quiet morning opening presents and really savouring the process. It was beautifully calm, and thoughtful!!

Breakfast was grapefruits and cinnamon buns and my oh my, the cinnamon buns were the BEST EVER!!! We used the "imported" brown sugar that our friend Katie and Svein brought back for us from the US, and Sarah's expert kneading made the buns the best we've ever had!

We left mid afternoon to head to Stafa to Brad and Lisa's for Christmas Day Raclette dinner. As usual, we laughed and laughed spending the afternoon and evening with them. We are so lucky to have such good friends who live in Switzerland!

Boxing Day: We headed out bright and early to ski on Boxing Day - off to Laax. Unfortunately, when we got there, it was super foggy, snowy and the lifts up top were being closed due to winds. So, we enjoyed a hot chocolate/coffee and then turned around and drove back to Baar. We went to Shannon's barn and after she rode, we headed off on a hike. It was a beautiful day even though we didn't do what we set out to do. Being together was full of laughter (and some complaining about the hike) and that made my heart full.

New Years Eve: We started the evening with drinks, appetizers and Sticky Weenies with our friends from upstairs. Peter, Nathalie and Livia came down for some drinks. Later, Justin and I went to a party at Katie and Svein's place. We met some really amazing people from Switzerland, Norway, and Sweden. The food was DIVINE and it was a really great evening, but we cut it short there to go back to Shannon and Sarah to ring in the New Year. 

Inspired by our friends upstairs, we made pizzas on the raclette machine! It takes a while, so it was a good way to pass the evening. I didn't know if I could stay up late enough, but we all made it! We went upstairs and enjoyed ringing in the new year with our Swiss friends on their beautiful balcony and watching the fireworks going off everywhere. All that reserved Swiss-ness is let loose on New Years, apparently, and the fireworks lasted well past 1am. They were set off in fields, and in people's back yards and we could see them in every direction we looked. It was magical!!

New Years Day: We set off again to go skiing - this time to Davos for an overnighter. Murphy was going to be adored by our friends and he definitely enjoyed his two day "holiday" with them! We skied on the 1st but we were pretty tired and had a short day of skiing, The conditions were very much like Ontario - icy and packed with people. We were looking forward to the 2nd when there would be fresh powder falling all night long. After skiing, we went over to Klosters (nearby) and enjoyed a cheese fondue dinner with Daria and Scott, who used to live in Canada and Daria used to work at Vic Star years and years ago. It was lovely to visit with them and enjoy the cheese!! 

January 2nd: We were up early and actually had to wait for the breakfast to come out at the hotel. Then, we headed to the ski lifts, got an amazing parking spot and were ready for the powder....except that the lifts were not opening because the winds were too high and the mountain storms were still coming. Bummer....Well, after a coffee and treat, we started the trek back to Baar and enjoyed a quiet day.

We are all missing the Alpine friends and shenanigans, and seeing the photos by all the girls is both wonderful (to feel that we know what's going on) and also a reminder that Alpine skiing is so much more than just the ski runs. The girls have just left for school  - starting back after 3 weeks' holidays is a bit hard, but what a wonderful 3 weeks we have had!!

Now I am off to buy my German textbook because I am determined to start some in class german lessons this month! Enough of muddling through on my computer, it's time to get some help with pronunciation so I sound better....the girls laugh because they say I speak German with an Italian accent! Who knew!?